What Nobody Told You About Trying to Conceive…

That unprotected sex doesn’t necessarily lead to pregnancy like we were led to believe in school

That your sex life would start to resemble a science experiment.

That you would see your OBGYN/RE more often than your DH at O time.

That the longer you TTC, the more PG women spring up around you.

That deep down inside, I can be a very jealous person.

That one day you wouldn’t mind checking your CM or CP to see if it is your fertile period.

That I should have gone to medical school like my mom wanted, because I’ve had to do so much medical research by now just to figure out what was wrong with me, I might as well be an M.D.

That I would know more about the female reproductive system and menstrual cycle than most of the doctors I go to.

That living your life in 2 week increments would be the norm

That you never knew how much you wanted to see those 2 pink lines……until only one shows up every month

That simply relaxing will NOT get you pregnant. (your dh has to do some work too)

That you have no control over some of the goals you set…

That one day my DH would know so much about how my uterus functions and what it looks like from the inside (thanks HSGs).

That I wasted ALOT of money on Birth control pills!!

That I’d EVER be willing to stab myself in the stomach or arse every day in the hopes that it will help get me PG.

That you wouldn’t know how important a baby was to you until it took so long and you realized what you were willing to go through to make it happen.

That my DH is the most wonderful and caring man!

That it is insensitive to ask people when they are having a baby!

That had I bought stock in Clearblue Easy I’d have my mansion on St. Pete’s Beach in FL by now.

That having flo show up makes you cry, no matter who’s bathroom you are in.

That it does not get easier, each cycle is harder than the last.

Feeling like you wash your life away in 2 week increments.

That infertility is more common than you think.

That DH would get used to doing his ‘thing’ in a jar.

That one day all of this will make us stronger.

That no one I know would have any understanding as to how I feel.

That my temper and patience are much shorter than I ever thought.

That my faith in God would be tested heavily.

That it could hurt so much to lose your innocence.

That there is nothing to aid conception in the water at work, despite what some may say..

That some people just say the wrong things.

That sex would ever become a chore!

That I would be so sad, and ashamed.

That I would learn to speak in code like “I checked Cm which was EWCM but when I will POAS who knows, DH won’t let me for fear of BFN”

That when AF showed up you would feel broken and disfunctional.

That this would be, by far, one of the hardest things you will ever have to go through.

That people would pity you and feel sorry for you.

That I would stop fantasizing about having a baby because it stopped making me happy.

That the two little words of “just relax” uttered by everyone I know would enfuriate me beyond belief.

That my friends who started TTC #1 around the same time we did would already be pregnant with #2 before we get pregnant with #1.

That I wouldn’t be able to attend my friend’s babies 1st birthday parties because of the quesiton, “So, when are ya’ll going to have children.”

That the people around me would become more insensitive as time goes on. “It is so hard having a new baby, you just wouldn’t understand.” or “Be happy you’re not tied down.”

That it puts this much strain on a marriage.

That every girl should go to the gym as soon as she gets AF the first time. If I had, I would have been dx with PCOS a lot faster.

That your body has its own mind.

That you would be keeping it a secret from everyone.

That you would cry your eyeballs out b/c AF showed.

Life as you know it will be interrupted for two weeks.

That the broken heart you feel each month that is equal to the pain you feel when you lose a loved one.

That you feel that your body has betrayed you by not delivering a regular cycle, the right amount of required “hormones” or doing what it should know how to do.

That you feel stupid and naive for thinking a pregnancy would occur “when it was supposed to”.

“I can see clearly now, the rain is gone, I can see all obstacles in my way.  Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind. It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright) Sun-Shiny day.” – Johnny Nash

I went to my second appointment with Dr. Hatch.  Actually, she wasn’t there so I was seen by her partner, Dr. Moyari.  I was a tad bit late (about 15 mins) so she had to rush through with my appointment.

My ultrasound show no more cysts!! YEAH!! She says I either ovulated (while on the birth control patch??) or it disintegrated in my ovary…that explains the mood swings!!  I took a blood test to check out my hormone levels and now I don’t have to wear the B/C Patch.

Our next step is to wait for Aunt Flo to arrive and contact the doctor so we can start the cycle.  As always, my hubby is telling me not to keep my hopes up too much.  But how can I not when the sun is shining in sunny Cali???

~Kaye

“Don’t you know I still believe,That you will be here, And give me a sign, Hit me baby one more time” – Britney Spears

And so begins my new journey into Trying to Conceive for the third time.

I just finished my first consult appointment with our new Repo/Endo, Dr. Hatch.  (BTW, I love her name! Like hatch an egg, hehehe!) We entered this meeting very nervous and afraid to have anything but low expections and negative outcomes.  So when she entered the waiting room to greet us (a first for us), I started feeling a sense of excitement and hope!

First off, she was very friendly, I immediately warmed up to her and so did Brandon.  She took control and the direction of the meeting by asking us about our ttc history and what could be the cause of all these heartbreaks.

We also talked about my never-ending quest to become healthy and be physically fit.  As with all the doctors, she couldn’t stress enough the importance of maintaining a healthy lifestyle in order to have a healthy pregnancy.

Lastly, we talked about the stress of my job and the long hours I work.  I tried explaining the roller coaster season and the responsibilities I have but she put a kabosh on it when she explained it to me this way, “If you can’t find one hour in your day to exercise and limit your working hours to resonable times, what do you expect to do when you are pregnant or have the baby?” Wow, that hit the spot.  I always saw myself working part-time when I am pregnant (I expect a difficult pregnancy), taking 6 months off to bond with the baby (thank you FMLA), then back to part-time for a couple of years.  I have to start finding ways of delegating my responsibilities to my capable staff.  Kinda like weening myself off work and sharing it with others…

During the ultrasound phase, she noticed a pretty large, circular object in my left ovary.  She suspected a cyst and the suspect to my irregular cycles.  My blood test revealed it is a cyst and now I am on the birthcontrol patch for one month to regulate my af.

From my internet research, I learned that ovarian cyst are normal and usually benign.  The system usually flushes them out with each monthly cycle.  Mine decided to stay and wreak havoc with my hormones….Just ask Brandon…

At the end, she asked if I had any questions or concerns.  I asked her what she can promise me and she actually answered “I can promise you will be pregnant IF you follow everything I say”  She made me promise to work on my new healthy lifestyle and decrease my working hours.

I go back for an ultrasound in two weeks.  If all looks good, we may be able to start a cycle by Sept/Oct of this year! Woohoo!

Yes, I am excited. Yes, I am hopefull. Yes, this time it will work.

~Kaye

“Sometime, somewhere, we will meet, my dear.  Then love will make my teardrops start.  Someday you’ll know, how long I’ve waited. With these pins and needles in my heart” – Roy Acuff

So last week I went to my first acupuncture session.  From the searches I found on the internet, medical studies show there is a strong corelation between acupuncture and an increase probability of getting pregnant.  And with time ticking, I am willing to try anything!

I went to a real, authentic, 5th generation Chinese acupuncturist.  Her background says she studied both Eastern and Western medicine in China before moving to the States 20 years ago.  After discussing my problems with her, she says that my case is an “easy” case and after cleansing the body of impurities, my womb would be in fine, fertile condition to “plant a seed.” hmmmm…sounds like every other doctor I’ve visited.  Lose weight = Babies

I was really scared, lying on the table waiting to be poked and proded.  She started sticking needles first on top of my head.  She told me to relax and when I tried, my jaw popped.  She asked if I had TMJ and after I confirmed, she stuck more needles up and down my jaw line on both sides.  Some needle pricks hurt, some I didn’t feel a thing.  She ended up sticking a total of 40 needles from head to toe!  Once she was done with the poking, she attached some wires to some of the needles.  She turned on this machine and asked if I feel the vibrations,  I think this was electrolysis.  As some of the needles were vibrating, she turned on this heat lamp and pointed it directly to my belly.  Lastly, she told me to lay still for 30 mins. while the “magic” was taking place.  When she left the room, I immediately looked at my wrists and body to see all these needles poking out at me.  I looked like Pinhead from Hellraiser!

Anyways, I went to my second appt last Saturday and this time she put needles in my back and butt.  Not as scary as the first time, and but I was more sensitive to the pokes and prods esp in the gluteus maximus area.

Not sure if this will work or not, going to see a Fertility specialist on Tuesday.  Wish me luck!

~Kaye